Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
