I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
