I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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