he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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