I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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