I cockslap morals
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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