Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
