Porn is love you can see.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
