so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
