I showed him my bush... on skype.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
