There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
