i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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