I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
