she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
