is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
