got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
