just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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