I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
