you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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