i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
