Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
