Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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