Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
zippers are such a cool invention
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
