New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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