Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
