New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
