Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
