Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
