What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
