this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
