don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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