when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They took my balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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