Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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