Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
