Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
