Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
