Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
