Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
