ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
