i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
