i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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