it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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