About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
