This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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