Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
