And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
