i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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