The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
