Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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