2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
