By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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