can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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