My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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