this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
