Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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