Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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