i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
