Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
