Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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