Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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