Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
