JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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