I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
