i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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