shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Buhtt sex?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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