Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize